he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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