you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My hand turned me down
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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