I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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