his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
