If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
