About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
