My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
