This is not my ceiling
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm always down for nudity.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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