were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
