I only kidnapped one of them. chill
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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