he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
