Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
