so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
