You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
