i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
