You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
