My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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