I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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