I want to stick my p in your. b.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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