Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
