just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
