it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
