Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
