I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His hands were made for my vagina.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
