yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
