No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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