We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
