So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
