No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
