im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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