Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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