I heard we made out
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So many bounce houses so little time
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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