he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
