Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need help removing her.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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