I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
