I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
