Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
