My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
