He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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