I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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