Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
