Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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