She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
