RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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