But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
