the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
