yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
