just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
