There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
