im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
