STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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