piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
