there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize