Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
