I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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