um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
