call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
MIDGETS
????
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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