At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
