I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I am morally bankrupt
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
