There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
