dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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