Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
