Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do herpes really smell.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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