he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
