Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
