I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
