covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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