She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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