question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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