The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
